We store our secrets down

Sunday musings…

It’s been a while. I’ve been kind of behind the scenes of Second Life right now, watching from the sidelines as things have been happening. I glance in now and then, ponder thoughts on what to do, to make and whether or not to continue on. I’ve heard that we all go through this phase in which we just need to walk away for a while then eventually come back (or sometimes not at all). I have seriously debated on taking that plunge, but I’ve invested nine years of my life here. One speed bump (or twenty) shouldn’t deter me from the place I’ve always loved.

But it has…I always thought that when I went through my depression that it was the end and I could never get myself back into Second Life, but that was not the case – I threw myself headfirst into our reality and thrived. When I got diagnosed with breast cancer, I thought for sure – this was it. I would fall behind, suffer and just give up. Second Life instead pushed me to complete the things I needed to do. Yet now…Second Life seems far beyond my reach. Cancer – which will always now be part of my life, the rough parts have ended and the healing has begun. They tell you that you’re a survivor and you now have your entire life to live. So then why do I feel so miserable? I should be elated that I’m on the path to healing and my Second Life should be riding on the same path, but instead…I log in and I stare at it.

I have become so bitter on the place I have loved for so long. I’m bitter at the people, the petty crap that I see every time I log in and read, hear and see. I view blogs, Plurk, Flickr and see nothing of excitement anymore. I know that I’m not the only one to feel this way, but I wonder at times if it’s because of my situation and how life now is not worth the petty and moronic stuff I witness.

Yet, please don’t get me wrong. There are many things about Second Life that I love. I still love to explore. I still love the creativity of the things that people make, the pictures and stories that they produce. I love [SL] Blogger Support, I love TLC (even if it is on hiatus), I love the people I call friends and those that I still need to meet and converse with.

I guess what I am saying is that this love/hate affair I have with Second Life is never going to be easy. I love it, I hate it but I can never step away.

One thing I learned as a survivor…you never give up.

For credits and landmarks, see below ❤
We store our secrets downDress: -Pixicat- Tropical Dress – Blue / Avera *Summerfest*
Necklace: +Half-Deer+ Mermaid’s Majesty – Cursive Necklace – Ocean / Halogen Magic *Arcade*
Bracelet: +Half-Deer+ Mermaid’s Majesty – Sea Glass Bracelet – Ocean / Halogen Magic *Arcade*
CarryOn: *MishMish* Baby Axolotl Portable Aquarium – Pink *Summerfest*
Mesh Head: LeLutka Mesh Head Stella / Jadenart
Body: Maitreya – Mesh Body Lara V3.0 / Onyx LeShelle
Eyes: IKON – Odessy Eyes in Dew / Ikon Innovia *NEW*
Make-Up: Glam Affair – Stella / Aida Ewing
Hair: Clawtooth – Beach Party – Captivating Brunettes / Bubbles Clawtooth *Summerfest*
Nails: {Wicked Peach} OffBeat (For Maitreya) / Autumn Amaranth *On9*
Pose: an lar [poses] / Katya Valeska
Location: Baja Norte

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